Confessions on Why I Go to Bed Angry

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A desperate plea to other wives to stop going to bed angry and to learn to humble themselves before their husbands and Lord.
I love that moment when I lay down to close my eyes from a long day of chasing babies and cleaning house, don’t you?  When you can feel the stress draining from your body as sleep is getting ready to take over.

Then, IT happens.

A simple statement or question begins a WW3 style argument between you and your husband and now your time of relaxed blissdom is replaced with huffs and puffs and lots of I-should-have-saids replaying through your mind!

You see, I was that girl.

I was the one who said, “When I get married, I will never go to bed angry.” Mmmmhmm…sound familiar? I also thought that once I married the man of my dreams who loves Jesus just as much as I do, if not more, that we would never argue anyway…so how could we ever be mad at each other when we go to bed at night.

What I didn’t realize, is that when you get married…and especially if you are married and you love Jesus.  There is a war going on to destroy your marriage and to make you another statistic.

So, is that why I go to bed angry, cause I am fighting a war with the dark side?

Well, no. 

I go to bed angry because I have once again allowed my pride and my need to be right to far outweigh the love I feel for my husband and my desire to please him as his wife.

You see, no matter what, when the heat of the battle rises, we only have two choices.  We can humble ourselves and choose to view the “discussion” with eyes that can see things from a heavenly perspective while standing on the Rock of our Salvation; or, we can puff right on up and stand our ground until the quake stops shaking and all that is left is the little bit of shifting sand between our toes.

I tend to pick the latter.

Years ago, this would not have been an issue. I would have said my peace and rolled over to sleep without batting an eye.  I would not have laid their wrestling with the Lord and replaying everything in my mind. I would not have been so angry with myself for allowing the damage to be done.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

I wonder why this is mentioned?  I guess there might be something to it.

When we go to bed angry, we have left a lot of unresolved and hurt feelings out in the open exposed to the enemy to manipulate.  We also typically are not in a hurry to get up the next morning to get things resolved, so we allow our loved ones to leave home with all this unresolved hurt still open and festering.  Even though we eventually get to a point we can talk reasonably, explain ourselves calmly and move beyond the argument, the damage has often been done.

So how do we change?  What can we do differently?

I have been meditating on James 4:6, since reading this marriage book, and believe it is key; ”…God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”  Every time I read this I think…do I want to be opposed by God or to find favor with Him?  I can tell you, I want to find favor!  Some versions say “…He gives grace to the humble.”

I like that choice of wording even more.  I need more grace.  I need to give more grace.  I need to live a grace-filled life.

I have by no means reached the point that I can even say that 50% of the time I make the right choice and humble myself in the heat of the battle.  But, I can saw that I am now more aware than ever that I must learn to.

So my prayer and cry to the Lord has been, “God, give me the grace TO BE humble!”  I so desperately need His divine help to become the wife I need to be.  That way I know, I won’t ever need to go to bed angry again to keep my prideful-self happy…I can rest peacefully knowing that I have set things right before they ever get bent out of shape!

PS…I found this book while reading about marriage from a biblical perspective and was excited to see that it might be a good book to add to my Summer Reading List!

Here are my Confessions as a wife who really loves her husband on why I have not been able to get past my Anger and Pride to Humble myself to my husband and Lord.


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